Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
