the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so let's talk penis.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
