OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he fucked my hip out of place.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
