it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
