Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
