Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
