I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
