Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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