good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
