grandma shit on top of the toilet
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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