"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
