watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
