thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
