If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
