I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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