i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
