eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
