The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
