so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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