i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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