It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
