I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
