***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So much rum. So many feels.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
