im about as happy as oj after his trial
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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