My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
