Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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