Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
