Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
