Soap is not a condiment
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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