Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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