just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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