having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
