i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
