i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
