Don't make out with my wife yet
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
