dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
