I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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