Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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