if you like me you must not know who I am
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Randomize
