I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Randomize
