I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
They took my balls.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
