a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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