either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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