That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
