I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
