Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
