his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
