You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
