At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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