Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
