Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
