I want to have your abortion
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
