After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
