Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
