I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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