So many bounce houses so little time
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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