i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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