Please, let me fuck your mom
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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