Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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