so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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