thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
