ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
