I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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