She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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