I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
