Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
